surrogate mother
The other day I talked on the phone with my little buddy Jiap. Jiap is 16, and just finished 9th grade in her home province of Uthaithani. She's somewhat of an orphan--her mom died when she was little, and her alcoholic dad works construction away from home and hardly ever shows up, like less than once a year. Jiap is an adorable kid--shy, with pretty round eyes and a delightfully musical laugh. She calls me once a week or so, we talk for 20 minutes or so, and after that I usually ask Judy 3 or 4 times if we can adopt her. As it is, we're making sure she has the funds to finish high school, because poor girls from villages like hers are in dangerous territory.
Jiap's friend Nin, she told me, is pregnant and about to become the second wife to a 26 year old. Nin is also 16, and dropped out of school after 8th grade in order to work. According to Jiap, Nin's husband-to-be has had a number of mistresses already, but no one including his original wife has become pregnant. Meanwhile his mom is wanting a grandchild. So Nin is basically bearing the family a child. The first wife, Jiap reports, is fine with the whole arrangement.
I asked Jiap what she thought about it.
"I don't want to think."
Such a patriachal, polygynous arrangement is not at all unheard of in Thai society, and while it offends the sensibility of a Westerner, we need only look at the Old Testament to see it practiced by some highly respectable people. And I suppose if indeed it were a situation where we could feel confident that Nin and her child would be secure for life, I could at least reluctantly tolerate it. But based on the stories we hear repeatedly from women who end up in the bar scene, it's very likely that one day Nin will be treated like a used tire.
Jiap is very pretty, so I asked her again if she was interested in any boys. "No, but they're interested in me," she giggled. "They come looking for me at home. I tell them I want to continue in school." And I believe she will, partly because she seems to have good sense but also because I've made it very clear to her that she will have the funds she needs to finish school, all the way through university. For many others without that assurance, the short-term route is the straightest line.
Noi's 13 year-old friend, Fim, plans to be married next month. God bless her.
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Reply #1 on : Thu April 19, 2007, 05:52:03
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Reply #2 on : Thu April 19, 2007, 14:50:50