War and peace
We're always fighting a battle somewhere. We win some, we lose some. Most are ongoing--we advance, then retreat, then advance. Three stops forward, sometimes one back, sometimes three, then a half forward, etc.. We often live with the conflicting feelings of euphoria and heartache at the same time. I had always thought “heartache“ was a metaphorical word, but sometimes I have walked around with a literal ache in my chest, grieving over the bad choice that one of our “loved ones” has made, such as when Gait recently ran away, and we are sure she relapsed in her addictions. But at the very same time I might be floating from excitement when someone makes a good choice, such as when Pear decided to come back after a few weeks serving men at a night-time “restaurant”. I know what Jesus meant when He said how much Heaven whoops it up when a broken person says “Enough. I'm coming home.”
We are not clinical caseworkers here. Some might even say we're too connected with our “clients”. But we much prefer to follow Jesus' example in giving ourselves up for them. It's expensive and risky because it puts us right on the battlefield, not managing from a safe distance. But the payoff is phenomenal.
Pui, 16, and Pear, 13, are now staying in our home. I've written about their sad experiences in previous posts. Both are now thriving, getting cuter every day. Pui is the quiet one, with an amiable, sweet personality that we have really seen come out in the last 2 weeks. She has a delightful smile between round, baby-faced cheeks that beg to be pinched, not that I have ever done so. Pear is a bit hyperactive, talkative, hungry for attention. Not long ago they began asking to receive Jesus, so after making sure they knew what it meant, I had the pure pleasure of helping them do that. Two wins.
But shortly afterward, Gait, 26, ran away and has refused to be contacted. She had also been staying in our home for some special recovery work. We've lost a lot of sleep and tears over her, quite sure she's back into her addiction, working at a bar to support it. A tough loss.
Sometimes the wins and losses come together. Tata, 17, came to The Well as an agnostic a few months ago, but came to the Lord a couple of days later when she saw a vision of Jesus, shining white, in her room. Tata grew up without parents at home and moved to Bangkok on her own at 14. At The Well, she was a bit of a troublemaker from the beginning, with a drinking problem and other issues related to love starvation. But something about the fire in her eyes caught my heart, and a couple of months ago I decided to be her dad.
I was helping to mediate a conflict Tata had with one of our workers, and saw that Tata's anger was way over the top compared with the situation, so I asked her to stay after and talk further. “Tata,“ I began, “it seems that you're a lot more angry than I would expect for something like this. What is this really about?“
It was as if a valve opened, and tears came in a flood. She talked about growing up with her mom and dad never at home. They were poor, life was hard, and she never felt loved. More recently I asked Tata if anyone ever hugged her as a child. She laughed sardonically.
That day I felt I needed to make a special connection. One thing I've learned here is the importance of helping people to have thankful hearts and learn to love--not just each other but we who love them in some cases more than anyone ever has apart from God Himself. “You know I love you very much, don't you?“ I asked. Tata nodded. “I have just one request.“ She looked at me, her normally fiery eyes dulled and reddened. “I want your heart. Will you give me your heart?“ “Yes,” she nodded.
Over the following weeks I saw that Tata had meant it. Her acting out, particularly going out and drinking, began to subside. She became an eager student. One day in a morning teaching session the students were being a bit talkative, so I said something about it before we took a break. Afterwards Tata picked up her books, moved to an empty chair right across the table from me and picked up her notebook and pen, ready to write.
A few weeks ago however she relapsed. I saw it coming and was very concerned, but we don't run a closed facility. One Saturday evening, Tata, Pui and Gait stayed out all night at a club with 3 guys that included one of Tata's cousins. Tata ended up getting drunk out of her mind, and the 3 guys took Pui to a hotel and raped her, apparently without the other two girls' knowledge. Tata called me the following morning. I stepped out of a church service to make the call. She still didn't know about the rape at the time, and apparently neither did Tata. “Dad, you know how you asked me to confess right away if I ever drank again?“
That evening at our home, Pui let it out that she had been raped. When Tata then was told, she was beside herself with guilt and anger at herself and her cousin. Our worst suspicion at first was that perhaps Tata had a part in knowingly setting the whole thing up, but after carefully questioning the 3 girls involved, we ruled that out. We are going ahead with pressing charges against the 3 guys.
However Tata couldn't let go of the guilt, and began punishing herself for what happened, feeling that others were judging her as well. Finally two weeks ago she said she couldn't stand it anymore, and had to leave. She came to ask for my blessing to move out and work in a factory. Given her alcoholism and her still very young life as a Christian, I was very reluctant. Tata persisted. She was clearly miserable, and the first evening cried hard for a solid hour. We prayed for her, cried with her. We pleaded with her not to go, but her teenage mind was already made up. What was fascinating though was that she could have easily just picked up and left, but she wouldn't. It was critical to her that I gave my permission.
It took me two days in prayer and thought before I felt God say it was ok, that He had Tata in His care. I told her that I couldn't bless her move, but would allow it. We sent her off in a taxi with big hugs from both Judy and I. She promised to stay in regular contact, and so far has. However she's obviously struggling with the dysfunction that is evident in her group of friends. I have little doubt that Tata's life is going to go downhill--a loss. At the same time, the fact that she has come to understand and receive unconditional love is a major win. For Tata, as well as Pear, Pui, Gait and so many others, the battles to come may still be long and hard, but we know will ultimately be more than worth it.
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Reply #1 on : Thu December 20, 2007, 00:29:15
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Reply #2 on : Fri December 21, 2007, 23:21:29