jim larson's thoughts

Why suffer

Last week I sat in church next to Pong, 32, one of our newer students.  Pong's husband died in his sleep 4 months ago, leaving her with 2 children to care for.  Pong is Mae's aunt; Mae is the 13 year-old we snagged out of a bar a few months ago.  It was only Pong's third visit to any sort of church. 

Grief counseling is a virtual unknown in rural Thai culture, and Pong has simply had to keep her head up and figure it out.  Last week she cried hard.  I can't imagine the despair she has felt through all this.  She has a quiet personality, and seemed so hurt and vulnerable sitting next to me in the pew.  As is my nature, I found myself wishing I could fix everything.  It was only the thought of inappropriateness that kept me from giving a quick one-armed hug and saying, "Don't worry.  We're going to take care of you."

The sermon was a simple explanation of the Gospel, and included a couple of clips from The Passion.  The clips were looped on PowerPoint slides, so each played more than once.  I watched Pong out of the corner of my eye, her own eyes wide with fascination at those gruesome scenes of the beating and crucifixion.

The only real consolation I know in explaining suffering is that Jesus did it.  His suffering says to me that ours is important.  The writer of Hebrews writes these fascinating words: "In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering." (Hebrews 2:10).  God didn't miss a trick here.  Before He could come up smiling, Jesus needed to go to the very bottom of the pit.

Down the row a bit from Pong sat Pui, the 16 year-old who was recently raped.  Next to her was a 17 year-old who was raped on May 8, just before she came to The Well.  Behind me sat one of our students whose mom started pimping her at age 17.  She spent several years selling herself to support the drug habit of her and her unemployed boyfriend.

It is right that we are here.  It is right that our work is very often difficult and trying, not because the work is hard, but because we love these women so much.  When there is love, there will be sacrifice, the kind where Jesus set the standard.

Last Sunday night we went and picked up Pear, our other 13 year-old.  Pear went A.W.O.L. a good month ago, and moved into a restaurant/brothel.  We were beside ourselves, but she would not leave, and we were too unfamiliar with the legal system to trust that if we got the owner arrested, a) it wouldn't make things nasty for the women we do have at The Well, and b) it wouldn't make things even worse for Pear.  Thank the Lord, last week she ran away.  Her mom asked us to pick her up tonight, so she is now a foster child in our own home. 

Pong is in the process of meeting Jesus.  I think she will like what she learns about Him.  Meanwhile, thanks to the generous help of lots of people who support The Well, we will indeed take care of her.  She's already asking to bring a couple of relatives in similar situations, both also in their 30's. 

There is an answer to suffering.  It's not easy, and I certainly don't give it out as a pat answer.  The answer is simply love--when we lovingly choose to suffer together with those who suffer, something happens, a special bond forms between us.  In the process, their loneliness fades, the hopelessness gives way.  

Salvation through art

I ended up selling X's painting for $15, or about 500 Thai baht.  It's the normal going price of one "bar fine", the fee charged to customers to take a girl off the premises, and the way that bar owners with half a conscience rationalize their part in pimping women--they're just being compensated for the loss of an employee, and what happens outside is not their business.  Never mind the fact that her salary is partly based on meeting a quota of usually 8 to 10 bar fines a month.  Anyway, it seemed incredibly appropriate: for the cost that men pay to rob a woman of her dignity, we could give it back, in a very real sense showing her that she does indeed have worth, that she is wanted, that what she thinks and feels is important, that God intensely loves her and wants to spend eternity with her. 

X was naturally incredulous when I told her the price on the phone, and wanted to know who bought it.  It was mostly a rhetorical question, i.e. what sort of person would actually buy her simple watercolor.

I told her she needed to come and write the title on the painting, so she came yesterday afternoon.  She said she had not been to her dancing job since the day she came and did the painting, but had been helping her roommate, another student of ours, who was having a crisis with her boyfriend.  When I told her that must be because she really didn't want to work there, she smiled and nodded.  "So can you come back and start work again on Monday?" I invited hopefully.  She said yes.

Her first teddy bear

Pui didn't sleep well last night.  I had asked her to call me in the middle of the night, but then forgot to arrange with her roommate to use her phone.  Bummer.

Living through two gang rapes in six months, one can't imagine Pui's fear of going on with life.  Is this how it's going to be? 

Pui has a round, baby face.  She speaks seldom, and has a soft, young voice as well.  Today Celeste brought her a big teddy bear.  I asked Pui if she had ever had one.  She shook her head, hugged and held onto that bear like a little girl would.  Later, Celeste took her to a park to just give her a few hours in a pleasant place, and said Pui didn't let go of it once.

The other night as I was saying good night to the kids I told Sam, our 10 year-old, that I was proud of him.

"What did I do?" he wondered.

"You were born."

He giggled.  It struck me how much every kid needs that sort of reminder--that someone is incredibly happy that they simply exist.  It struck me how many never hear that, but only hear that they are annoying burdens.

So I told that to Pui yesterday, that she was precious, that I was so happy that she was in my life.  I meant it with all my heart.  She looked up at me and smiled, a faint spark in her moist eyes.

Prang goes home

Prang left earlier this evening for home.  She had to stay here a few days to deal with some private matters. We prayed with her before the van came to pick her up, and she felt overwhelmed at the reality that her village project is really happening.  "I can't do this," she moaned,   sort of like Robert Redford's last line in The Candidate: "What do we do now?"  We told her her job is to love Jesus.

Here are a few images from her U.S. trip: 

So many tears

--This post has been edited--I think I'd better not try to write these when exhausted.

Today I was teacher, post-trauma counselor, detective and art therapist.  The first 3 roles had to do with Pui's rape case.  The art therapy happened with X, who did come today.  Over the weekend she confessed that she has started working again as a dancer.

It's 11:11 after an obviously draining day so I'm not going to write much.  I saw a lot of hurt and tears today, not just with Pui but with others.  

I know about as much about art therapy as know about rocket science, that is, I get the basic idea but have no idea where to even begin.  X turned out to be not as naturally artistically gifted as I had hoped.  She started out drawing, but drew extremely tentatively, wanting to erase every line.  We switched to painting, and she still wanted to lightly draw with her brush.  I finally grabbed her hand holding the brush and swished the brush around a bit to help her loosen up.  She seemed to start having fun a bit.

Finally I asked X to choose an emotion, whatever she liked, positive or negative, and do a painting about it.  When I came back here's what she had finished.  She called it "Suffering", and told me it particularly represents undeserved suffering.  It's simply watercolor on paper, about 10"x13". Anybody interested?  I'll send you the original for $6 plus postage from Thailand.

Why this blog

I want to come clean on this one.  I don't do this to write interesting stories so I can get more readers and maybe then I'll feel it's worth writing a book someday.  I don't write so that you will send financial support or even tell us what a great ministry we have.  I'm not wired lke some that I respect very much, who faithfully labor in one area, serving those to whom they are called.  When I see problems, even big, my mind goes to what needs to happen next to bring change.  But while there are many things that need to happen in Thailand, ultimately I believe that what we need most is more people willing to give up everything and follow Jesus. 

Last night another of our girls was raped, our fourth case in 7 months. Most tragically, it was Pui, whom I wrote about here, and if it could be even worse, it was another gang rape, this time by 3 men.  She is at the police station right now with Gai, one of our staff, and some other students at The Well.  We were doing our best to protect her--I knew she was still high risk, and I won't go into how it happened.  Needless to say, we're not in a happy mood.

We've heard many women tell us that "Thai men are no good," and we've seen what they're talking about.  Something has to be done, and I only use the passive voice here for effect.  By God's grace, we will do something, but we can't do it alone.

Yesterday I talked for a long time with Arin, one of our longer-term students, and learned a few more details about her history, and about the problem with poor men in Thailand.  Arin's father was a hit man.  He and her mom were seldom at home, because they were constantly on the run, so Arin was raised by various relatives.  He did make sure to send plenty of money for Arin's support, so she never lacked.  She did not know of her father's line of work until he was arrested when she was a young teen.

We would think contract murder must be a rare profession, but according to Arin it is in fact common. "Many young guys do it because they don't have anything else to do," she related.  The going price: about $100.  I asked Prang if there are many in Buriram.  "Oh, many!" she acknowledged.  "But no one in my village." 

I made some big requests in my first post about Pui, and did get one tentative response.  Please don't forget.  If you're already doing something important, no problem, but otherwise we need you here, or somewhere like this--perhaps inner-city New Orleans, or something like Sierra Leone if you can handle a bit more risk.  People are too precious, certainly more precious than what many of us live for, whether more stuff, more comfort, more fun, more prestige or more adventure.  

X didn't show

With my long story on X, the page doesn't allow for comments, and so far I can't tell why.  So here's a short entry: 

X did not show yesterday--not a surprise, but of course disappointing.  Her phone was unavailable, meaning she probably pawned it, meaning it's still likely she was not truthful about why she needed money. I'm sure we'll see her again.

Changing the subject, Prang came back from the U.S. 2 nights ago, tired, glad to be back, but glad for the experience.  And apprehensive for what lies ahead.  She'll be here for a few days for prayer and training before heading home.

If you didn't get to meet her, you might enjoy hearing her story that was broadcast on the Moody radio network this week.  Start here, then follow the link.  Prang's section is about 9 minutes into the program.

X

The saddest irony about child abuse is the fact that kids think it's their fault.

Her name actually sounds like another letter in our alphabet, but I'm going to call her 'X' because of how she sees herself. 

X says she is 20.  She was brought to us 3 weeks ago by another student.  She had been working in bars but quit.  She was obviously insecure and unhappy, usually keeping her head lowered, resisting eye contact and smiling only when smiled at.  She came for about 8 days, then quit.  Yesterday she came back, saying shyly that she needed to send 2000 baht ($59) to her mom and daughter ASAP.  She said she had gone back and applied at some bars.  She repeated what we've heard many times from other bar girls.  "It's ok if I don't like it, as long as my family is happy."  

We're careful of course to not simply believe stories like this, but in this case I decided to take advantage of the request a bit to test X's sincerity.  I told her that since she had worked about 2 weeks and had a daughter, she was entitled to a stipend of 4000 baht/month.  It's paid semi-monthly, but new students must wait for a full month.  I told her that she had "earned" about 1500 baht so far, and we could advance the remaining 500, with the conditions that she re-join and start at The Well the next day, and that we have a worker go with her to send the money.  She turned it down, so I figured that was that--she probably just needed the money for something else, even drugs.

Today she came back.  I sat down with her and asked how she was feeling.  She didn't say much, just that she felt the same, and she was still stressed about the 2000 baht.  She said her mom was waiting on it.

I said nothing for a while, praying.  She kept her face down, silent.  I felt prompted to change the subject, that ultimately this wasn't about money.

"I'm sorry, I don't remember--did you finish 9th grade?"  

"No, I didn't."

"Seventh?"

"Yes."

Eighth?

"Yes."

"What happened in 9th?"

"I had a problem with my older sister." 

"It must have been a big problem to make you quit school."

"It was with her and her boyfriend."

There it was.  

"I think I know what happened, but I don't want to think."

"What do you think?"

"He did something to you."

"Yes."

"What about your mom and dad?"

"I was separated from my parents when I was little.  My dad was an alcoholic and womanizer.  Mom and dad fought all the time, hit each other, almost every day.  He was a salesman, and when he'd make some money, he'd go to the pub and spend it on women.  He never had any left for us."

"Who raised you?"

"My aunt."

"Did she love you?"

"Mmm, not really.  She had seven kids of her own."

"So you were a burden.  You've always been a burden."

"Yes."

I explained that when kids are discarded or abused as kids, their nature is to think it's their fault.  "So all this time you have felt like you're worth nothing, you have no meaning, no use.  And what happened in 9th grade proved that to you."

"Yes."

This is why I hate prostitution so much.  It's not about women who just want money so badly that they'll sell themselves for it.  It's that they think that a little money is all they're worth.  And the man who buys a prostitute is simply agreeing.  

I talked with her a long time about the fact that I loved her, what that meant and why.  Not because I'm a good person, but because God made her loveable, and that by knowing God I had learned to see people that way.  I told her that I knew she had contemplated suicide, and she acknowledged that she had seriously considered it.  We talked about her walls, her obvious guardedness, her fear of being disappointed, that what we were offering might be just a trick, that she'd never had anyone care for her for no reason.  I said I understood.  Life has never given her anything else until now, but how was she to know that?  

My time ran out--I had to go pick up the kids at school, so I restated our offer and asked another student to spend more time with her, praying with her before I left that God would speak to her heart and show her His love for real.  Later on I gave her a call.

"How are you feeling?"

"I still think I need to work at bars, I need to help myself."

I felt a burst of confidence.

"X, let me tell you something.  I don't see you as a charity case.  This is about respect.  I earned a master's degree because people gave me the opportunity.  I didn't do it alone.  No one can.  All I'm asking is the opportunity to give you an opportunity."

She continued to resist, so I decided to take a risk.  One of the few things that made X brighten a bit when we first met was when she said she really like art.  The day before I had tried to get her to do a painting for me, but she refused.  "I'm really not good," she had claimed. 

"Everything I see about you tells me that you are very bright, and I'm sure are good at many things.  So I'm going to make a proposal."

She listened.

"I have friends that I know would buy a painting from someone like you.  So here's what I'm going to ask.  I want you to come tomorrow at 9am and do a painting for me.  I promise I'll be honest.  If it's not good, then I'll tell you and and drop the subject.  I'll have Judy help decide.  But if it is good, I will buy it from you tomorrow.  Will you do that?"

She agreed.  I pray she will follow through, and if she does, I do believe it will be a special painting that some of you might like to have.  I'll post it right away, and all reasonable offers will be considered.  Then I'll need to find a better pseudonym for her...

Losing battles

We see battles won and lost. 

On Wednesday some of our students went to the restaurant where Pear is staying/working to try to bring her back to The Well so she could start school the next day.  They were unsuccessful.  I tried calling her mom but she was no help.  We've had a lawyer draw up custody papers and will ask her to sign--not sure if she will because she wants Pear to make money for her.  We may have to compromise or sell out a bit and offer to provide her ongoing support in exchange for letting us take care of her daughter.  Praying about that one.

Judy and I had a great time, however short, in Phuket.  I'll post a couple of photos later.  There were bars everywhere, and we ended up becoming friends with a bar girl who stopped us while walking past. Pim is 29 with a 9 year-old son.  She says she recently broke up with her husband.  She also talked about a young American woman she met a while back that we believe was one of our short-term volunteers a couple of months ago.  She turned down our offer to return to Bangkok with us and join The Well, saying she had some debt there she had to clear up first.  Unfortunately if you're an unskilled single mother in Thailand, and have financial trouble, prosititution is pretty much your only option, and there are many cases we meet where we just can't offer enough.  While Pim's salary at The Well would be about $200 a month--generous for an unskilled worker in Thailand, Pim probably would need about $60 more.

I've therefore been thinking more and more about the economic system here that puts such a ceiling on the poor, where 8% of the population controls 80% of the wealth and as a whole, the wealthy seem to do very little to help the poor, other than make big profits off their backs.  I know God doesn't like it, but I am not yet sure what He intends to do about it.  I know one way or another we'll win the war, but a lose a lot of battles in the meantime.

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sallipod
Posts: 18

n
Reply #18 on : Fri January 29, 2010, 01:48:08

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<a href=http://www.google.com> http://www.google.com </a>

John
Posts: 18

Bangkok Prostition on the Rise
Reply #17 on : Tue January 20, 2009, 20:39:34

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As a foreign teacher in Thailand I came here to help children to improve their education in a developing nation but of late I have become increasingly concerned at the massive increase in prostitution especially in the tourist areas of Bangkok. It has clearly been here a long time but recently I have been totally stunned to see the massive increase in the number of girls stretching themselves in desperation to get money by any means possible. I have witnessed thousands upon thousands of women in these areas, especially Nana and the Sukhumvit around the Arab quarter, desperate to survive.
Forget the nonsense about stereotypical crack whore - oh no, these are Tesco girls, salon workers, beauticians, florists, fat girls, older women, short women, tattooed girls, ladyboys; every walk of life, desperate for money for a multitude of reasons. But nearly always the same basic reason - desperate for money and usually not themselves but their family. The price that many young girls pay, especially from Isan, is extremely high; attempting to live out the dream of coming to Bangkok to earn money for a desperate family is just all too familiar. The credit crisis really hits home here at the bottom of the pile-so many poor suffer for gross negligence of governments and big business. The human suffering at the other end has to be seen to be believed.
I find it incredible just to see bars filled to overflowing with women of all ages and less farangs than ever, as many tourists have cancelled flights (although the numbers of Arabs and other non-Anglo Saxon groups seems to be stable). Definitely less money from tourism, even if sex-industry based, increases the need for money for others as many poor lose whatever income they had and inflation continues. The money flow slows and causes a knock on effect for so many others. The result is a deep psychological impact on women.
I reject their claims of "oh it's just a job, or just don't think about it too much". Especially in highly conservative Thai society, these girls must suffer greatly. Yes it MUST be shameful to them when others find out, whilst they attempt to keep everything a secret to everyone else. If you push these girls to speak truthfully, then all the emotion comes out -none of them really want to do this work, they just hope they will get enough to overcome whatever problem they have. But the real problem appears for the long term effects especially in standards of their mental health and social status. Once they get used to the cash for “big” money (big by their standards, real cheap by farang standards) they get locked into a cycle.
Now the answer; well there is no quick fix! A police crack down is definitely not the answer and is open to all forms of corruption in any developing nation. No it has to be a combination of cultural change and governmental initiatives. The reality is until the Thai government manages to stabilize its long term political instability, improves rights and standards for low class workers, increases their leadership to look for visionaries not just bureaucrats, and then looks at improved fiscal policies with long term job improvement schemes; the poor, most of all will suffer. Combined with no real welfare system, it’s fairly obvious where especially desperate women will end up. I therefore applaud the actions of outreach workers who at least aim to assist in the interim and I can only wish them the best as my heart is heavy when I see Thailand going backwards in this area and hope the suffering of these women will truly one day be less.

Jeremy
Posts: 18

Project Rescue
Reply #16 on : Mon May 26, 2008, 08:33:14

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Ever heard of Project Rescue? I just heard about it from a friend who went to college with the founders' daughter. Seems very similar to what servantworks is doing!

http://www.projectrescue.com/frontpage.php

Earn
Posts: 18

the latest postcard
Reply #15 on : Tue April 01, 2008, 13:12:41

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I'm Thai and support The well a ministry of servant works through my pray, money. I am really appreciated what you are doing for those who have no opportunity in their live and live in the darkness. I am still support your ministries. But one of my concern and it is bothering me a lot is the latest postcard which I just received couple weeks ago. I truely understand what happen in Thailand about women and teenager. Of course they are disrespect to their body, mind, soul and God by exchange it through sex for money. Can you use another word instead of Thailand's sex workers. It's sound harsh and it is hurtful. I understand that you want to wake people up through this postcard but I think there is some way else to do it.
One more thing, in the picture I see young innocent teen. I don't know who they are. They can be one of them who exchange their body with money or may not. But if it is, they already have a poor live and why you make it worse by put their picture openly!! What going to happen when they grow up? We are adult suppose to protect them, aren't we?

Jan
Posts: 18

Concerns
Reply #14 on : Sun March 30, 2008, 13:18:43

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Hi

My name is Jan. I'd like to thank God and you all( The Well ministry) for a wonderful work for Thai woman and children who are from dysfunctional families. I've been supporting The Well for the past 2 years, and also had a chance to visit The Well in Bangkok twice.

However, I have a concern. I have received 2 postcards of the Well Ministry. I came to my mails couple weeks ago. The first time I saw the card, I did not feel anything much. But the second time I received the same post card, there is the thought that came to my mind. I saw the picture of a mother with her two beautiful daughters. They are beautiful children. Then I read the card...Thailand sex workers! I know the intention of this postcard is good. However, I think the language is too strong. Although, it is the truth for most cases. I am concerned about these children in the picture. Unfortunately, the children have to suffer from parents' poor choices and decisions. They've already been damaged and wounded. We should try to protect them. I don't think the language is appropriate, especially when there is a picture of children on it. If they can read and understand English, I can't imagine how much damage it can do to them emotinally and psychologically.

Blessings,
Jan

alan
Posts: 18

God of this city...
Reply #13 on : Wed March 12, 2008, 11:32:09

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hey buddy,
have you heard the new song, "God of this city"?

see
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d61LamkXfwk&feature=related

for u-tube version of tomlin singing it...the band Bluetree from Ireland was actually in Pattaya not too long ago, and they somehow were invited to perform in a brothel...while they were doing a 2 hr. worship set, they said God gave them this song. it is POWERful!

miss ya dude,
alan

edwin
Posts: 18

awsome comiing
Reply #12 on : Tue March 04, 2008, 20:26:18

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im with ya Jessica!
i really wanna be involved! i hate being lazy!!!

jessica
Posts: 18

hopefully coming
Reply #11 on : Tue March 04, 2008, 00:46:56

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My name is Jessica Wood my sister and I are in contact with servantworks about coming to bangkok this summer. Thanks for all your hard work and the genuine way you approach people... I lay awake at night thinking about this stuff....i really think God wakes me up so I will pay attention to his prompting for me to do something or say something for those trapped in the sex trade...i want to help and not just so that I can sleep easy..but because there is no other option..and becuase i deeply loves Christ and believe he sets people free....anyways just wanted to show encouragement and introduce myself

Edwin
Posts: 18

Re: jim larson's thoughts
Reply #10 on : Sun January 13, 2008, 13:54:02

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for "Win"

you are more than right..... those that follow Christ's really lay themselves low for other people... that is LOVE!

*hugs*

win
Posts: 18

=
Reply #9 on : Tue January 01, 2008, 03:40:30

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i'm da random...n i'm a thai gurl,,n i saw ur friends or sumone who knows u post bout wt u did in thailand..it's gd mannn...


i donno wt to say bt i never heard bout whites do stuff for helping ppl who isn't white b4


most of them jt drop sum shit here destroy enviorment...


anyway keep it